Oops

I just realized I've been posting my blogs on myspace and I keep forgetting to put them on here!

The past 6 weeks have been a blur and a blessing. Elias is growing BEAUTIFULLY. Each day gets more and more fun and we feel more and more like a family. He's measuring right around 10 pounds right now which is much less than a 9 pd, 6 oz. baby should have grown by 6 weeks but he's turning out to have a COMPLETELY different body type than his dad and I. He's VERY tall, VERY long, and a little skinny with some cute face fat.

Here's a few pictures to tide you over... I intended for this blog to be extended and comprehensive but he just woke up 30 minutes early for his next feeding:)

Birth Story Part II

Part II:Now Mom picks up the timeline: January 31st - Elias' birthday!

7:00am Started Pitocin, contractions pick up quick

8:00am Midwife Beverly came in to check - Elias retreated during the nightso even with two hands and a huge stick inserted, Beverly couldn't break Jessi's water. Jessi endured all of this with just clenched teeth and puffing breaths - not sure we gave her permission to scream or cry, but she did break down a little after they left. (my note: this was so far theworst pain I'd endured. All the contractions just excited me so I could ignore the pain, but this was every kind of pain I'd felt combined... I didn't cry because I didn't want Mom & Katie to get scared but the second Beverly left, I lost it. The nurse was there and told me to be honest with Beverly when I couldn't take it any more)

Increased the pitocin, talked about options including C section and during this time we really quizzed the nurse JoAnne about C sections and what they entailed. Jess was holding out for a vaginal delivery, but wanted to be clear on all the possibilities.

10:00am Beverly came back in and didn't hesitate to pull out the longweapon (to break my water) once her gloves were on. Katie and I thoughtJessi would tell her to forget about breaking the water, but she went for it quickly. The next five minutes was a combination of Beverly saying "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go ahead and scream!" and Jessi biting her lip until Katie started crying then Jessi yelling, but no cusswords. Then tears. More Katie's than Jessi's. More screaming and finally a smile on Beverly's face as she said "I got it!". Watershed moment. Literally. Katie's tears and Jessi's fluids. (This was offically the worst pain I hope I'm ever in.It was also a huge emotional release. Once I started crying, I couldn't stop. I cried for all the pain of the past four days and all the pain ofwanting to meet Elias finally. I cried out of nervousness and anxiety andjoy that at least I knew today was the day.

10:30 - 11:00am Nick rushed in to check out all the screaming but he is planning a quick escape during the epidural. After the watershed moment, Bev strongly urged Jess to get an epidural. From here on out, Beverly expects to be pulling and tugging on the cervix a good deal and they'regoing to give her two different catheters to monitor progress. Plus - it'sl ooking like we're going to have a last minute section, and Beverly wants Jessi medicated in case we have to do it quickly.

11:30am Dr. Williams came in to do epidural. Only one person could be present in the room so Mom stayed and Katie hid in the bathroom to be close. Jess did great during the epidural and we really liked Dr.Williams. The nurse caught Katie after the epidural and yelled at her. Jb, Laura, & Donald are here for support.

12:00 - Placed the internal monitor and catheter inside to verifycontractions. Still 3 centimeters. Bev will check her again at 1pm. If no progress, will most likely do a section.

12:30pm Jess and Katie are napping together in bed. Nick is catching a quick nap before the action.

They stopped writing here. I'll pick up. After Bev checked me again, shebrought in the female Dr. Warren. She gave the final decision - C section.She mentioned that a baby like this who won't fit in my cervix could hurt me or break his shoulders coming out. At this point, the room flooded with different people. Two anesthesologists, Dr. Warren, JoAnne and Janet(amazing nurses) - all sorts of people.Mom, Dad, Katie, and Nick were the only ones to see me before the section.Everyone looked as scared as I was, but we prayed twice. I did my hairreal quick and I went with the doctors first to get prepped.In the OR, they stripped me bare and splayed me out on the table like thedead guy in the Davinci Code. It was a little late to be modest but I didinform all the doctors that I looked a LOT sexier unpregnant. I realizedthen that my doctors and nurses were amazing. As scared and freaked out asI was, they all stood around protecting me.I felt very cared for. Soon, Nick came in looking like and Oompa Loompa inhis white suit. He had a Sudoko book, an Ipod, and a camera. He looked asnervous as I had been but I started telling him how great our doctors wereand how easy going they made me feel. As soon as Nick sat down behind thecurtain, the pressure started on my stomach. It grossed me out more thanit hurt. Nick and I listened to the labor mix I'd made that morning on theIpod and tried to distract each other. A few times he looked queasy but heheld strong. After around 20 minutes they told us the head was out andthat he had red hair (they were wrong). Nothing really registered yet.When they told me he was out fully, I thought "oh sweet" but didn't knowwhat else to think. It was really surreal. We didn't see him for a fewminutes. Nick and I continued to talk about meeting him and all of asudden he started crying. That did it for me. It started to set in. Itdidn't dawn on me that we hadn't heard him yet, but for the first fewminutes of his life his lungs were filled with fluid and they were pumpingit out. When I heard his voice I kept crying and telling Nick "I neverwant to stop hearing that cry - ever." Finally we saw him and it was likelooking straight at a minature version of my husband. I was in love. Nickfollowed him to the nursery and I stayed to finish the last 30 minutes ofsurgery. During this time, I got very nervous and sick feeling. I justfelt a little lonely and worried about him. Honestly, I was a littleworried about myself too so finally I asked Beverly, "I know this isselfish, but am I okay?" They reassured me I was doing alright and wouldbe all sewed up soon. Nurse Janet came and held my hand and I told her howmuch it meant to me. My hands were strapped down so she just stroked itand talked to me while I waited to get out and see my husband and sonagain. They also kept telling me that he wouldn't have come vaginally, hishead wouldn't have fit. He was 9 pounds, 6 ounces. Not tooooo big, but hisshape just didn't fit mine.The next 12 hours are a complete blur to me. I was awake (sort of) theentire time but I can't place a lot of what happened. I think it waspartially due to the medicine, part sleep deprivation, and also just anextreme feeling of being overwhelmed. I spent about an hour in recoveryduring which time I spent some time with Katie, some time with my Mom, andfinally some time with Nick and Elias. I remember Katie telling me abouthow she stole some scrubs and snuck into the nursery to see Elias -literally. Nick told me Elias was doing great, then he finally brought himand I started breastfeeding. I remember my mom helping me breastfeed andtelling me to talk to my son. I remember Nick telling me that Elias didn'treally need to feed, he needed his daddy to hold him.Finally we left recovery and moved into our room. That was around 4:30 pm.We spend a few minutes alone with Elias then people started leaking in. Idon't remember anything lucid about those hours. I know Naeem, Ashley,Kalle, Shawn, Staci, Donald, Laura, Jb, Mom, Katie, Dad, and Gibson wereall there. If you were there and I don't remember - I'm sorry. I remembercontinually blacking out in the middle of sentences and I remember barelyholding Elias at all. I know it hadn't hit me that it was my son. I'm sureI fed him a few times during those hours but I don't remember that at all.I remember telling Kalle about the section and her stopping me midsentenceand saying "But don't you love him?". I think it hit her before it hit me.It hit EVERYONE before it hit me. At around midnight, everyone was goneand Nick was asleep. The babe was in the nursery and all of a sudden - Isort of just woke up to reality. I heard the nurses laughing outside and Iwas convinced they were looking at him and playing with him. I rang themimmediately and made them bring him in. I just kissed him and cried andtried to get my bearings. I couldn't stop thanking God for him and for myhusband, the best father I'd ever met. Finally - I fell asleep holding himand then... life began.

Birth Story Part One

*** Disclaimer: This is a BIRTH story - if anything about birth mightgross you out, I wouldn't read it. Also, we're a funny bunch, if you can'thandle a little hilarity (and inappropriateness), I'd avoid this alltogether. ***Our birth story is a combination of Nick's funny comments/my sister andmom's hourly updates/me filling in the blank when they got too excited towrite. My comments are written in paranthesis - that's the real story.The timeline begins on Tuesday the 30th. We actually went into labor onFriday the 26th. We went to the hospital at 4:00 am on the 27th but thesent us home because labor just wasn't progressing. They warned us thatthe baby refused to descend into my birth canal despite the strength of mycontractions because his head was too big. They told us to come in onMonday to check the progress and they'd make a decision then. (We met withmidwife Beverly that day)On Monday we met with midwife Lynn who gave us the same synopsis. They dida quick ultrasound and confirmed that the baby was huge (they estimated 9pounds, 7 ounces) and asked us to come in the next morning to put me onPitocin to see if we could make the baby descend. Nick and I were excitedand nervous but we spent the rest of the day getting the house ready,packing our bags, having coffee with friends, and enjoying a last mealalone....now the timeline starts....(January 30th) Nick's notes, mine in paranthesis7:15 IV's, etc. etc.7:20 PRAYER for Elias and jess. Also I took amazing pictures of my wife...but she did not like it. (it wasn't amazing, I deleted it)7:32 The nurse felt up my wife or checked her cervix. She was in there fora long time! j/k I love you Jess - you said I couldn't make verbal jokes... but you didn't say I couldn't write them7:55 Pitocin begins! Yes! After all the feeling up, still only 1 cm8:05 Jess said she looked pretty (at this point, I had curled my hair anddone my makeup - there was nothing else to do but grunt) I agree. However,I just want to keep track of how many times she says it today.8:25 Midwife was pleased with Cervix (that was midwife Cindy) said thebabies head was -2. I don't know what that means, but she was happy.9:45 Increased medication9:50 Checked for dilated, no change9:50 Katie called and said they were on their way10:10 Randy (my dad) came back from a cup of coffee - it took awhile sothat could mean 1) really a cup of coffee 2)golf 3) smoke break and coffee10:55 Kt and Josh called again... still have not left! What the heck?(by this point, mom and dad were both there - plus my Nana and Nick'sNana. The contractions were slightly brutal by then and I wanted to go aslong as possible without medication so Nana's were in the waiting room,Dad left whenever I was in too much pain - and Mom was by my side)... now Katie takes over the timeline ...2:00 katie and Josh got here at 1:30. They almost got a divorce becauseJosh was taking so long. Katie couldn't talk to Josh - she was tooexcited. Boys are gone, we are taking over the journal because Nick can'twrite legibly. Katie can't spell but atleast it's legible.2:00 Jessi likes peeing. (It made the contractions less bad for somereason) She's starving and has said the word fry 5 times since I startedwriting. (I was starving - they finally let me eat but it didn't tastegood because I was in so much pain) Now she's talking TV schedules. 3 -Tyra, 4 - Oprah, 5 - Ellen. She says we have our whole afternoon busy. Hercontractions are a 7/10 on a pain scale. She may not have her eyes open by3:00 - more to come.... this is what I supplemented in that night ...Labor continued to increase and we made it to 4 centimeters and 80%effaced. Contractions got up to a 140 (150 is when you begin pushing) andlabor got a little hairy but still bareable. At Eight PM Midwife Cindydecided we should quit for tonight - turn off the pitocin and give mesleeping medicine to sleep through the contractions. The plan is to startPitocin again at 6 am, break the water at 7:30am. Beverly is the midwifetomorrow. We had some good laughs with her and Cindy. They came by and putme at ease. Mere & Steph drove from Columbia to visit. They'll miss allthe action tomorrow but they'll be back soon. Tessie, Kal, & Stace cameand they'll all be back tomorrow. Nick is staying with me, Katie, Josh, &Dad are staying at my house and mom is at Nana's.The plan is still no epidural tomorrow and I feel good about it. I'm somuch less scared than I was this morning. Each contraction is sopurposeful and God has his hand all over this day. I want tomorrow to beElias' day. I want it to be all about him and about celebrating the Godwho made him.That night, labor slowed down a little but the contractions were stillstrong. I went to bed at midnight and finally stopped trying to sleep at4am. While I waited for Nick to wake up and the fam to get there, I made adelivery playlist on the computer, picked some scripture to read duringbirth, and wrote Elias a letter.

Christmas/Baby Update

We do a good deal of praying for God to turn people's hearts to him... now it looks like we'll spend the next few weeks praying for our baby to turn his whole body. We had an eventful meeting with the midwife today where they officially moved up my due date about a week and a half and we also got a really beautiful late-term ultrasound. The babe is quite nestled - completely horizontal... with his bottom down, his head on one side and his feet on the other. It explains why he's had such an incredible range of motion - I feel him moving on every single inch! So - if you think about it, pray he goes head down pretty soon. I'm way way way too excited about delivery to give in so easily to a c-section, but if thats the only option - we of course want what's best for him.

In other baby news - the nursery is almost ready. I like the safari theme and I think I'm going to be able to enjoy the countless hours I spend with him downstairs. Steph is letting us use some beautiful animal pictures she took in Africa and I believe our little boy will greatly appreciate our decorating skills:). ALSO - we were hoping we'd get a better idea of what he looks like through this ultrasound but all the doctor could confirm is that his head is a little big for his body:)

Here's a thought about Christmas I've been having. This year is so different for us... Since it's been a rough few months financially and it's still a battle, we knew from the beginning of the season that we certainly couldn't buy presents for one another and in reality - we can't really buy presents for anyone else either. That coupled with the fact that Nick has and will be working constantly and I'm too swollen to really want to leave the house just changes everything:) We're really big fans of traveling and even bigger fans of gift giving and it feels like Christmas has been ripped out from underneath us. I know the easy answer is that "christmas isn't about gifts" but it's hard... it's hard to feel so blessed by those around us and not be able to bless them back.

So what's the point? I know it's about the birth of Christ, but how do I celebrate that? How do I sit down and appreciate that when I'm so inundated with what feels like a constant feeling of lacking. Lacking the ability to live like I want to, buy presents, feel normal looking:) So I started thinking about the wise men... how their gifts seemed so pointless. I wish I could give Nick a humidor for all the baby boy cigars he's about to get, AnnaJaye and Abigail some designer baby clothes, my sister a big funky stone ring... I wish I could give Jb a new journal or something, and Staci some Chanel scrubs - but those are the pointless gifts. It would be great to show them I love and appreciate them, but this year is set aside for me to give Jesus what He really wants...

So this year is about our gift to Christ. Our life. We have so little to offer Him. Not a ton of wisdom or experience, very little public influence. Our resources are puny and our strength wanes daily. All we have is our willingness. Christ ordained this child's life - the Creator of the Universe gave the stamp of approval for the conception of our child and while our life seems to be so bumpy right now - we can stand at the foot of his throne and hold open our hands. We have our relationship - use it for Your glory. We have the life of our son - we give it back to You to use. We have our every minute and hour of the day - we'll be crazy for you, we'll be fools for you, we'll be called unsensible for You. I think Mary probably though something like, "Okay... I guess I don't have much choice. If what you want are my life's plans - that's all I've got..." and I can certainly relate to that.

So, to wrap it up, I'm not sure if reading the Christmas story by candlelight will do the trick for me, or if going to see the Nativity Story on the 25th will make me feel warm and fuzzy. But, I'm going to take comfort in knowing that in my lack of ability to give, I'm offering Him all I've got - the crazy sweet life He's given me.

Blessed beyond belief

After two amazing baby showers - I just want to give a very public thank you. For those of you who've given gfits or your time, you should know it truly truly means so much more than you can ever imagine. The hour you gave of your time, the pack of diapers, the pacifier, the onesies, the shower you threw, the blanket... it may have just been an hour or some dollars to you - but to us, it is a necessity and we feel so overwhelmingly grateful. At a time where most new, young moms are feeling alone or isolated - I'm feeling so loved and more than taken care of. Again, thank you all for clothing my baby, keeping his bottom dry, and being a beautiful picture of Christ Jesus in my life.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for letting Him use you.
I cannot wait to return the favor for the rest of our lives.
Jess

Crazy few weeks....

It's been a tumultous few weeks - but ever exciting! Last week I got to spend the week with my sweet sister and neices and it was so, so refreshing. I cannot imagine loving a child more than my sweet girls but supposedly - it's possible.

Speaking of baby boy, he's measuring a little big so it may be sooner than we expected which is now not so scary. Meredith and Stephanie opened their home in Columbia last weekend for our first shower and we did feel very showered with love! We received all our crib bedding, our bassinet, our monitoring system, and tons of cute clothes. It's VERY exciting to start looking at everything and know it's for our babe, who is going to be here so soon.

Pregnancy is still really fun, there are just terribly sucky symptoms - but for the most part I actually think theres parts of it I'll miss. I am getting to the point where I feel like I have an alien in my stomach. The new crazy thing he's doing is what the midwife describes as the 'startle reflex' when he wakes up and I promise you, it seems like he's definitely having a seizure but apparently, he's just a jumpy sleeper. Either way - I can't wait to meet him!


That's all I got for now. Love you friends - Jess

Thankful for...

Since I'll be busy cooking tomorrow - I thought I'd start early today.

I'm extremely thankful for the Lord. He's shown up in the past year move than I've ever imagined. He's been my provider, my friend, my comforter, my joy. In the past few months especially, He's provided for my heart and our finances and met our needs before we recognized what our needs were. He's given us this sweet boy in my tum even though that's a blessing we certainly don't deserve. Best of all, He will continue to be there and He will continue to be Him.

I couldn't be more thankful for my husband. That's not true, I could probably always be more thankful for Him:). HOWEVER - In the past year and a half, He's become my best friend and He meets just about all of my earthly relational needs. He's there to get me ice, make hamburger runs, tell me it will be okay when I freak out. He's there to rub my belly, pray with me when the pregnancy dreams get to be too much, and he's continued to do the dishes for the past eight months when they gross me out too much to look at them. More than what He does, who He is freaks me out sometimes because He is definitely still the best man in the world - the best person I think I'll ever meet.

My family - whew. They are actually the greatest in the world. My mom, my sister, stepdad, dad, stepmom, brother in law, NEICES, did I say sister? I actually have the best family ever and my sister grows more and more daily to be my best friend in the world. When your sister makes a T-shirt that has a picture of you pregnant with the caption "These are a few of my favorite things", then you can come and we'll debate who has the best family. Until then, mine wins handdown.

Lastly - I have some stinking amazing friends. Old and new. They're great. AND I have a great church. I"m tired of writing - but trust me, I'm crazy thankful for all of them too.

I lied - I have one more thing I'm thankful for. ICE. It makes life sweet.

Jessi

Updates

I'm mildly obsessed with Thanksgiving and Christmas and this is my favorite time of year.

We finally picked a baby name, we actually stole it from Kathy Helou. We're not telling unless you REALLY want to know and you promise you won't butcher it or name reasons you don't like it. We only have ten weeks and this name works, don't spoil it for us:).

I'm off bedrest and hopefully won't have to go back on. We're slowly getting everything together for the babe and our first shower is the weekend after Thanksgiving! Get excited!

Love you friends - Jess